Suicidal tendencies
You know I have them, I know I have them, everyone knows. It’s written all over my face, all over the backs of my pupils, all over my lips, up and down my thighs. Even halfway-erased off my wrists.
Tonight I realized I’m not the only one who fights every day. Some people shout it, and some whisper it. I met a boy who whispers it, when I noticed on the back of his shoes he had embroidered the words. We got along okay. I liked him. Maybe he could see it in me; I couldn’t really see it in him. But I had no reason not to believe it. For years no one believed me.
All day I was contemplating offing myself. I was so guilty, and I couldn’t really handle it anymore. But, I was so happy to be in the company of people who forgave me for my mistakes and just wanted to look at me and compliment me and speak to me, that I’ve decided to live at least until tomorrow.
They’ll never know it, but they are the reason I’ve survived tonight.
